Without You
by andy
Summary: The presence of Aeris' spirit gives Cloud to live on; his eternal love for her will help him find her again someday.


# 6/5/00

# ****

# ****Without You

******By Andy**

****

****_She's gone_ I thought with a pain in my heart.

I tossed and turned in my bed, unable to fall asleep. My other friends and fellow allies were all sleeping in the various other beds in the inn at Icicle Inn; I was sleeping in Ifalna's house, the mother of Aeris Gainsborough. All the others and I had just been in several major situations: my Mako poisoning, the Huge Materia hunt, and the Midgar raid. I'm not fully aware of what happened while I was in my coma, but I do remember that I thought I had been communicating with her 

Frustrated, I threw the covers off the bed and got up. Brushing dust off of my navy blue SOLDIER uniform, I left the house and sneaked to the Highwind, my friend, Cid Highwind's airship. I placed my foot on the steel ladder leading to the balcony of the Highwind and walked quietly down the stairs. Approaching the bottom, I ran to the room opposite from where I was standing, to the mini chocobo stable.

"Wark!" My gold chocobo squawked as I went into the room. I smiled weakly at her and took a hold of her reins; she squawked again and I hushed her. We got off the Highwind and I mounted my chocobo, named Aeris, after my girlfriend. The both of us headed north, toward the leftover ruins of Mideel. As I arrived there, I got off Aeris and left her in the forest, trusting her not to run away. Just to be sure, I left a few Tantal and Mimett Greens on the ground in front of her. Aeris immediately bent her bright yellow head down and started chewing the greens.

Leaving her there, I walked into Mideel. I wasn't sure why I was there, but all I did was sit down on the ground, my feet dangling over the edge of the huge hole with the Lifestream in it. The chilly night air blew around my body and I shivered from the cold. I brushed back my spiky blonde bangs and sat there quietly. Thoughts of the past started to reflect in my mind and the most painful memory cut through.

All of a sudden, the tears came. Small wet teardrops slid down my cheeks and hit the ground with a soundless splatter. Tiny blades of grass swayed in the wind as I sobbed softly, letting the tears spill and not bothering to brush them away.

I raised my teary blue eyes to the sky and thought, _I still can't believe this_

Angrily, I picked up a big rock and flung it at the glowing Lifestream. The rock made a small splat sound, then slowly sunk into the thick liquid. Black crows flew overhead and squawked, their flapping wings causing a ghostly noise in the howling wind. 

_Why?_ I asked myself. _Why?! What the hell happened to my life?_

__"Life really isn't fair" I whispered softly; the words escaped my mouth and drifted into the breeze.

I looked to the heavens again. "Will I be given a second chance?"

I didn't get an answer of course, so I just stood up and yelled, "Damn that crazy bastard!"

Shaking from anger and the cold, I sat down again and cried again. The world appearing blurry from my point of view, I blinked the tears away and slid out a small dagger from my tan boots. 

_I can't live without her I should go soonerno one could wait forever_ I reasoned pitifully.

My hand shook, but I stubbornly raised the knife to my throat. As I was about to slid it across, a sudden jolt hit my mind and I dropped the knife in shock.

Rubbing my throat, I stood up and glanced at my surroundings. 

Silence. 

Not a single presence was awake, the nurse, doctor, and salespeople had somehow all found shelter and somewhere to sleep. I growled, an irritated look crossed my face at the thought of the person or thing that had interrupted me.

I reached for the knife on the ground again, and suddenly, I heard a voice in my head. _No_

Mad now, I kicked the dagger into the Lifestream, hands clutched tightly to my side; I left Mideel and made my way back to Icicle Inn. Apparently, everyone was still sleeping, for the town was really quiet. I lead Aeris back to the Highwind and then entered Icicle Inn and walked into Ifalna's old house. 

As I laid my head down when I slipped into my bed, I came in contact with a small, crinkling noise. I lifted my head up and turned around to see a small piece of paper. Curiously, I opened it and read the content:

_Cloud,_

_Tomorrow's the big dayit's time to take down Sephiroth! I'll meet with you shortly after he is defeated._

After reading the note, I wondered whom this was from. Tifa, maybe? While I was analyzing, I felt a silky object. I opened my left hand and was astonished to find a tall, pale pink carnation resting on the surface of my palm. Finding out the answer to my question, I sighed with heavy relief and newfound determination. 

I placed the carnation right beside my sleeping bag, next to my head. Before closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep, I looked up to the ceiling of the room.

"Good night," I whispered softly, smiling. "I'll be with you after beating Sephiroth."__

__As I said that, I swore that I felt a hand, something, gently caress my cheek. Without a single thought, I immediately closed my hand over the presence. The object felt like soft smooth skin, another hand Holding it tightly, I pressed it against my lips. I turned my head toward my left side.

Glancing over at my sleeping childhood friend, I thought. _Tifa and I can never be together. My heart belongs to Aeris; I can't live without her_

__"Take care, sweet flower girl" I said quietly. My final words dissolved into the air as I held the hand and closed my eyes.

******The End**

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Special thanks to: Tiger5913 for helping me with this story.


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